Sh*t new mums say

“Seriously? I JUST changed your nappy.”

“She’s teething.”

“F*ck you, Wonder Weeks.”

“Seriously? Another poo?”

“Is she breathing?”

“It’s definitely teeth.”

Daytime: “I’m so happy my baby takes a dummy. It makes life SOOO much easier.”
Nighttime: “If I have to get up to pick that dummy back in ONE MORE TIME…”

“She’s SO cute.”

“What day is it again?”

“I literally JUST changed your nappy.”

“She’s 22 weeks and 4 days. Almost 23 weeks.”

“Was that you or her?”

7pm: “Please, PLEASE just go to sleep.”
8pm: “Awwww, I miss her.”

“Where the F is her other sock?!”

“I JUST fed you.”

“She is NOT sleeping in our bed again tonight.”

“How on earth did it get all the way up your back?”

First 3 months: “My baby’s a great sleeper. I’m surprised how much sleep we’re getting!”
Next 3 months: “My baby is an asshole”

“I’m calling Healthdirect.”

“I just need to pop into Target.”

“Didn’t we just buy nappies?”

“Seriously, another poo?!”

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