One of my friends wrote a blog post the other day and in it she described the different types of mums she has encountered. I tried to work out which one I was and couldn’t so she told me i was ‘got it together mum’. Either she was just being nice, or this story will change her mind!
I met my ‘homemade’ mothers group for lunch today (I didn’t make it into a ‘real’ mothers group as I signed up too late, apparently they have time limits now… ) and I couldn’t seem to get bub to sleep the whole time.
Where we met for lunch was close to Ikea and Toys”R”Us so I figured why not kill two birds with one stone and buy baby proofing items from said stores afterwards while baby naps in pram (baby is almost crawling AND this happened) .
IKEA or Toys”R”Us first?
I decided on IKEA as I only needed the one thing from there (when actually I ended up buying 8 things). So we race on in and of course baby falls straight asleep in the pram. Not wanting to wake her up, I decided i’d walk my way across to Toys”R”Us with the pram instead of driving (its just too carparks and a road). Surely that was easy enough right?
I head towards the road to survey the scene and notice there isn’t really a good path that takes you from one side to the other. Theres a big old roundabout to the right but i can’t really see a path down there either.
(But I’ve committed and baby is asleep so i’m doing this either way.)
I continue surveying and notice there is some sort of makeshift path that leads across the road into a dirt carpark, which then leads into the Toys”R”Us carpark so I figure thats our best shot (seriously, how annoying is Toys”R”Us to write) . We make our way across this path (really its just boards with multitudes of bumps on them) and it is literally the bumpiest shit i have ever been on. The pram is bouncing around and all I can think is “please stay asleep, please stay asleep, please stay asleep”.
She stays asleep.
We even make it across the dirt carpark with her asleep.
I have to stop for two seconds before crossing to Toys”R”Us and i look down and GUESS WHO OPENS UP HER LITTLE PEEPERS!!! Seriously, we just made it across the bumpiest grounds asleep and you wake up when I stop walking for two seconds?
Maybe she’ll fall back asleep? (LAUGH OUT LOUD)
No turning back now though so we make our way into Toys”R”Us and buy the safety gate and some spare dummies (BECUASE WHERE DO ALL THE DUMMIES GO?!) Nappies are also on special so we invest in a big old box of those too.
After purchasing, I pack everything into the pram and realise they don’t really all fit so I have a tower of baby accessories piled up in the pram basket like the leaning tower of pisa.
I’m making my way out of the shopping centre (nice and slow) trying to balance everything and I go down a little hill and BANG everything falls out. A poor old man who has been watching this unfold comes to my rescue. I take the baby out of the pram to carry her, and he loads the fallen goods into where she was seated and we are off again.
We make it about 10 metres until I realise it’s super sunny so i have to stop and put her hat on.
Aaaaaannd, we are off again.
Until theres a gust of wind and off goes the hat.
Collect hat, return to mission.
Another 10 metres and baby realises she can smell my milk and she’s super starving so starts the old ‘peck peck, motorboat motorboat, squawk squawk’ routine . I spot some chairs along the walkway in the carpark so find one in the shade and sit down to feed. I figure this is a good move anyway as it will give me time to assess the situation and work out a plan of attack in getting the baby, her pram, and the shopping back to the car without picking up a flying hat every 10 metres.
While seated, I decide to divide up the big box of nappies into their individual bags and squish two under the pram with all the other goods and attach the third onto the pram clip.
I’ve also spotted a path which looks like it runs along the side of the road up to the roundabout and surely we can just cross there?
This’ll be an easy trip back.
So off we set again, down the path (la de da) and we get to the round about and FUCK. The path just stops literally right there. So I just stand there.
People are driving round the round-about staring at me and I’m just standing there.
“WHAT IS THIS CRAZY (UNDER-SLEPT) LADY DOING JUST STANDING THERE AT THE ROUNDABOUT WITH HER PRAM SHOULD I HELP HER???!!!”
Eventually, I decide to just take the roundabout like a car would, then get onto the grass on the other side to make my way back down to the dirt carpark.
Its hard work pushing this pram on the grass so I’ve got my head down powering along. Of course I’m also wearing one of those dresses that rides up when you walk (because I don’t buy myself new clothes because I spend all my money on the baby) so every few steps I’m also doing the pull down, jiggle jiggle, pull down.
Half way along I look down and see baby spit her dummy so I stop to put it back in and WHERE HAS IT GONE???!!! I literally just saw her spit it out.
So now we are doing 5 metre laps up and back the grass looking for this dummy and it is NOWHERE TO BE FOUND? (Seriously, where do these dummies go? Are they happily living somewhere with all my lost bobby pins??!!!)
After 5 mins looking for this dummy we cut our losses and move on. We make it to the dirt carpark and just as i pull in I notice a truck doing laps around the carpark wetting the dirt.
He’s just done our side of the carpark so I think I can quickly race across and make it to the other side before he laps back around.
I’m almost across when I notice him coming back up behind me.
Surely he’s going to wait for me to make it before he swings past?
He cruises up next to me, gives a little wave (you know that one you give people when you pull in front of their car a little too close) and (no word of a lie) SOAKS US WITH THE WATER.
We went home after that.
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