Sh*t happens.

Those that know me probably know that I’m a bit of a scrooge. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fairly generous person, but I HATE wastage.

We’ve been using Aldi nappies for our little one since day dot and they’ve been fine, but now that she’s getting bigger and we’ve started a bit of ‘real’ food, they just aren’t cutting it (each morning, we were getting two blow-outs). Time to call in the big guns, Huggies. (At 34cent a pop compared to Aldi’s 17cents. I think its fair to call them the big guns!)

I bought a nice big box and have been using them for nighttime and morning nappies, but the previously mentioned scrooge in me really just wanted to get rid of the last of the Aldi’s, so we’ve continued using them as daytime / afternoon nappies. What I though were the ‘safe’ times!

So here we were (bub and I), having a nice afternoon at home, baby playing happily on her mat, me preparing dinner, when I look over and… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I see that familiar mustard yellow seeping up her back. A quick check of the time (5:09) tells me dad won’t be home for another 21 minutes. Can I just leave it and pretend I didn’t notice and hand duties over to him as soon as he gets home? As much as i’d like to, no. No. I really can’t.

So I turn off all the pots and pans and head over, making the necessary preparations (change mat, nappy bag, baby wipes, new nappy). By this stage, its a full blown, up the back explosion, so I decide the best option is to pull her suit down over her shoulders instead of it coming off over her head. Keep things clean.

So I’m pulling them down, thinking to myself what a good job I’m doing, this’ll be pain free and we’ll be back to our nice afternoon in no time, and just as I start to pull her pants down, I guess I kind of FLICK her pants up and it FLICKS THE POO.

IN MY FACE. AND A BIT WENT UP MY NOSE.

I had to baby wipe my whole face. And arms. And top.

F*cking Aldi.

I think i’ll donate the last of them.

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A trip to the ER

I’d fed bub and was happily cooking dinner upstairs while daddy took her downstairs to hang out while he shaved ready for work tomorrow.

Happily cooking dinner until I heard a bang.

I started running for the stairs and heard ‘oh fuck’ and my sweet little baby let out an almighty scream.

The things that run through your mind when you’ve heard something like this, only a new mum would understand. The time between me starting the run down the stairs and arriving at her felt like an eternity.

When I arrived her dad had her in his arms and said ‘her head’ and when I picked her up i saw her eye was bleeding. My sweet little baby’s perfect face had blood on it.

She is almost 6 months old and has recently learnt to sit. She’s fairly steady and we’ve been fairly liberal about letting her use her new skill!

daddy had had her sitting between his legs on a bath mat whilst shaving her beard over the sink. She had reached for her toy, twisted and fell the wrong way and daddy was a millisecond too late to catch her.  She landed, eye first on the shower run.

This is what daddy managed to tell me after finally regaining the ability to speak.

I raced her upstairs, daddy in tow and popped some ice on her face. We made a quick assessment and decided to rush off to the local hospital. My major worry was an internal head injury and it was all I could think about the whole way there.

The young doctor quickly assured me, that by the sounds of the ‘fall’ it was highly unlikely that there was any risk of head injury. Phew.

He did however, want a second opinion regarding one of the cuts (yep, there wasn’t just one but TWO cuts on her perfect little face). So in comes the second doctor and confirms that no, no stitches needed, just a little glue (apparently that’s what they use these days) and there would only be a minor scar.

WAIT, A WHAT?????????????

I’d never even thought about a scar. My baby isn’t even six months old.

At this point, dad, who has been apologizing profusely to his poor little bubba this whole time, starts to get teary and the doctor leaves to get the glue ready.

I hand the bub over to him for a cuddle and we decide we can deal with a scar and we start to calm down a little.

I take a good look at him, him at me, and we burst out laughing. Not only from the relief of bub being OK, but because in the race to get to the hospital, I haven’t even bothered to put on shoes, and dad has only half shaved his face. Bub, who had just finished dinner and was soon to have her shower has food remnants not only on her cheeks but also some in her nostrils and a very dirty nappy. How this doctor managed to keep a straight face…

On the way home, me in the back with bub because we couldn’t bear to leave her alone for one second, we decided this was a friendly (sort of?) reminder at how easily accidents happen and to always take exceptional care with our tiny little bubba.

And tomorrow, well tomorrow is baby proofing day.

xx

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Sh*t new mums say

“Seriously? I JUST changed your nappy.”

“She’s teething.”

“F*ck you, Wonder Weeks.”

“Seriously? Another poo?”

“Is she breathing?”

“It’s definitely teeth.”

Daytime: “I’m so happy my baby takes a dummy. It makes life SOOO much easier.”
Nighttime: “If I have to get up to pick that dummy back in ONE MORE TIME…”

“She’s SO cute.”

“What day is it again?”

“I literally JUST changed your nappy.”

“She’s 22 weeks and 4 days. Almost 23 weeks.”

“Was that you or her?”

7pm: “Please, PLEASE just go to sleep.”
8pm: “Awwww, I miss her.”

“Where the F is her other sock?!”

“I JUST fed you.”

“She is NOT sleeping in our bed again tonight.”

“How on earth did it get all the way up your back?”

First 3 months: “My baby’s a great sleeper. I’m surprised how much sleep we’re getting!”
Next 3 months: “My baby is an asshole”

“I’m calling Healthdirect.”

“I just need to pop into Target.”

“Didn’t we just buy nappies?”

“Seriously, another poo?!”

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Stuck on the couch

You know that feeling, when you finally get your baby to sleep after a long fight? And SO WHAT if she is asleep on you because she is asleep, AM  I RIGHT?!

Except.. Ahhh, crap. You realise you DESPERATELY need to pee (or worse, poop)! And you’re super hungry, and OMG so thirsty. You’re actually DYING OF THIRST.

Oh well, at least you can amuse yourself with your phone, scrolling through instagram, then Facebook, then create some snapchats with the face recognition annd back to Facebook. So you pick up your phone and FARK! It’s only got 6% of battery, and you moved the charger into the bathroom so you could charge while you were having a shower.

… And the TV remote is all the way over the other side of the room … and your laptop is on the kitchen table…

And now your arm starts to ache because you forgot to put the pillow underneath it, because it was behind the baby’s back while you were teaching her to sit on the floor.
But maybe you can reach it with your feet if you just lean a little bit, a little bit more, little bit more ANNNNNNNNNNND she’s awake.

sleeping2

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